Life, Love, and Loss

I tend to keep to myself.  I don’t have a mommies group and I don’t do lunch.  I have to make myself call people on the phone.  It’s not that I don’t love them or that I don’t think of them multiple times a day.  They should  know that.  They should feel me reaching...
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Seriously.  Maybe if this kid could stay well for more than a few days at a time I could get something done.  And maybe WRITE SOMETHING.  He has been sick four times since July 1, and I’ve decided that being away from other viral children is actually what is making him sick. IT IS...
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It bugs me when something awesome happens and ruins something terrible.  Like this week, when a mission to Mars trumped the shooting of innocent people in a temple, the very place where they should feel most safe. I picture this Wade Michael Page, and ex-US military man, storming into that temple with America, Fuck...
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I remember being small and snuggling up to her lap, fingering her squishy chest and long gold necklace.  She would give me a squeeze and shrug her shoulders as she smiled, and I knew I was safe and loved. When I graduated from college she gave me a little wrapped box.  Inside was her...
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Those of you who have been with me for awhile know of what we had to go through before we decided to stop trying to have another child.  It was a tough decision, only in that it took us so long to realize what was right for us.  We won’t (and probably can’t) have...
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I allow myself to think about maybe.  Maybe we can go somewhere fancy.  Maybe there will be a surprise.  But it always fails. The maybe never unfolds. I tell myself that it doesn’t matter. That I wasn’t expecting anything because it’s not important. And on the surface, that’s true. But deep down?  I was...
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When I was in college my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She was young (in her forties) and although she found her cancer at an early stage, the diagnosis and treatment was difficult for our family. Because I was away at school I wasn’t able to physically be there to give her hugs,...
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I am not an animal lover (don’t tell me this surprises you). The fur?  Yuck. The slobber and the poop?  Even yuckier. Plus, kitties, and sometimes doggies, set my lungs into a state of pure anger, so I am pretty much not cut out to be around animals. Despite all this, a single runaway...
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Those of you who have been with me for awhile know about the loss I’ve experienced (if not, you can read about it here and here). For almost two years we have tried to have a second child.  I have been pregnant three times and had three miscarriages, the latest one just this week....
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You!  Dorky man by the cheese! You had better not be thinking of making small talk with me. Don’t make me be snotty to you. In fact, don’t even look at me. That’s right, just walk away. Back to the bread isle. You!  In the white Mercedes! Put down the phone and step on...
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I open the door to an almost empty waiting room. “Can you sign in here please?” Why is there nobody here?  This can’t be a good sign. I sign in, hand the receptionist my necessary cards. “Oh, I talked to you yesterday, didn’t I?  You’ve been having some problems, right?” Girl, I got problems...
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We are so going to do this. Yes we are! - – - – - – - – - - I can’t believe we just did that. I know!  We are so crazy! What do we do if we get pulled over? You know what we have to do. We swallow it all. We...
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Scott and I, about three weeks ago… “Our place stinks.” No!  Our place is awesome! “No, haven’t you noticed that is always smells like sewage?” Yes but I am in denial Hmm, maybe it’s from something outside?  We are sort of out in the country. - – - – - – - – -...
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A lot has changed over the past year.  Well, actually, that’s a bunch of baloney.  The kind of stuff people write in holiday form letters. Aside from remodeling a house, not much has changed. Oh, except that I decided that I was going to be an eater instead of a cooker.  Because even though...
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