The “Momover”… It’s Like 12 Step, Part 2

April 30, 2010

So, as I was saying, I seriously needed some therapy.  I have been in therapy before, during a completely different time in my life.  I really gained from it then and was looking forward to “the work.”  I found a great, female MFT who was recommended by one of my Yahoo mommy groups.  I started seeing her regularly and noticed a change right away- just having that outlet made such a difference for me.  Within a few sessions I was discovering my need for validation, my struggle with being in the present, and the value of learning to observe my emotions.

I will be working on all of these, indefinitely.  But I no longer live in a state of anxiety-driven, self-loathing angst.  Recently, an old friend came to LA to visit.  The last time she came out to see us, Hayden was about 7 months old and had his first cold.  I was a basketcase.  Anyway, she made a comment to me, that I seem like a totally different Carrie to her- I seem so relaxed and happy.  I was blown away.  I attributed it to Hayden being so much easier to manage now than when he was a little baby (fortunately, what they say about parenting is true- it does get easier, because the first year is ROUGH).  And this is part of it- but the rest is meI am changing. In teeny tiny steps, that are often difficult for me, or my husband, to see- because we are in it.  But my dear friend can be objective.  And what she said to me was the biggest compliment I have received in a long time- possibly, ever.

My old girlfriends from Texas and I used to jokingly have 2 criteria for whether a woman was friend material or not.

  1. She’d better have female friends (if not, red flag).
  2. She’d better be in therapy (because if not, she’s probably f-ing crazy).

Ain’t it the truth.

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6 Responses to The “Momover”… It’s Like 12 Step, Part 2

  1. pattypunker on April 30, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    i think those 2 friend criteria are brilliant! and that’s so true what you said about the first year. i too was a basketcase and was in such a whirlwind spin, i had no idea if i even existed, and if i did i had no idea who the hell i even was. it does get better.

    so glad you’re sunny side up these days..

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  2. jessica on April 30, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    well, I can say to both questions for sure. I began a new round of therapy after my divorce. My own parents have told me how much I’ve changed and to me that means that indeed, I have. I know that I am different. So different. For me that means I’m a grown up, finally.

    Good for you for working on yourself and your willingness to change. That is very hard to do and I for one applaud your efforts.

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    Reply:

    Yea for all the women out there gettin’ healthy! If only all of the men would do the same.

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  3. Texasholly on May 2, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    Every year gets easier. The first year is always a blur of survival to me…I feel successful if I make it through alive.

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  4. casey on May 5, 2010 at 11:19 am

    I’ve never been in professional therapy, but boy, do I have girlfriends that will listen to the worst of me!! I’m so glad you are feeling happy! It took me a long time to figure out my value as a stay at home mom and now that they’re both in school, who knows what life will bring me next, but I look forward to it!

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  5. k8 on May 18, 2010 at 10:32 am

    I’ve been in therapy since 2001. It’s the only thing that’s kept me sane!

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