The “Momover”… It’s Like 12 Step, Part 2

April 30, 2010

So, as I was saying, I seriously needed some therapy.  I have been in therapy before, during a completely different time in my life.  I really gained from it then and was looking forward to “the work.”  I found a great, female MFT who was recommended by one of my Yahoo mommy groups.  I started seeing her regularly and noticed a change right away- just having that outlet made such a difference for me.  Within a few sessions I was discovering my need for validation, my struggle with being in the present, and the value of learning to observe my emotions.

I will be working on all of these, indefinitely.  But I no longer live in a state of anxiety-driven, self-loathing angst.  Recently, an old friend came to LA to visit.  The last time she came out to see us, Hayden was about 7 months old and had his first cold.  I was a basketcase.  Anyway, she made a comment to me, that I seem like a totally different Carrie to her- I seem so relaxed and happy.  I was blown away.  I attributed it to Hayden being so much easier to manage now than when he was a little baby (fortunately, what they say about parenting is true- it does get easier, because the first year is ROUGH).  And this is part of it- but the rest is meI am changing. In teeny tiny steps, that are often difficult for me, or my husband, to see- because we are in it.  But my dear friend can be objective.  And what she said to me was the biggest compliment I have received in a long time- possibly, ever.

My old girlfriends from Texas and I used to jokingly have 2 criteria for whether a woman was friend material or not.

  1. She’d better have female friends (if not, red flag).
  2. She’d better be in therapy (because if not, she’s probably f-ing crazy).

Ain’t it the truth.

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6 Responses to The “Momover”… It’s Like 12 Step, Part 2

  1. pattypunker on April 30, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    i think those 2 friend criteria are brilliant! and that’s so true what you said about the first year. i too was a basketcase and was in such a whirlwind spin, i had no idea if i even existed, and if i did i had no idea who the hell i even was. it does get better.

    so glad you’re sunny side up these days..


  2. jessica on April 30, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    well, I can say to both questions for sure. I began a new round of therapy after my divorce. My own parents have told me how much I’ve changed and to me that means that indeed, I have. I know that I am different. So different. For me that means I’m a grown up, finally.

    Good for you for working on yourself and your willingness to change. That is very hard to do and I for one applaud your efforts.



    Yea for all the women out there gettin’ healthy! If only all of the men would do the same.


  3. Texasholly on May 2, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    Every year gets easier. The first year is always a blur of survival to me…I feel successful if I make it through alive.


  4. casey on May 5, 2010 at 11:19 am

    I’ve never been in professional therapy, but boy, do I have girlfriends that will listen to the worst of me!! I’m so glad you are feeling happy! It took me a long time to figure out my value as a stay at home mom and now that they’re both in school, who knows what life will bring me next, but I look forward to it!


  5. k8 on May 18, 2010 at 10:32 am

    I’ve been in therapy since 2001. It’s the only thing that’s kept me sane!


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