February 7, 2011

I slip out of bed, trying not to disturb the covers.

I tiptoe past my son’s room and hope the creaking of my ankles won’t wake him.

I dress with eyes half-open, run the toothbrush over my teeth, and sneak out the door.

It is dark.  Not the kind of dark that is swallows you up, but the kind that gives you a glimpse of what’s to come.  Soon, the sun will give me hope.

At first, I am dragging my feet because I don’t really want to go.  It’s more comfortable to hide in bed.  To pretend I don’t need this escape.

Running from troubled sleep and tantrums and lunches and laundry and the stagnant feeling in my body.  The stiffness in my limbs.

I pick up the pace a little, but it’s like that dream where you are running, running, running and never seem to get there.  I just can’t get there as fast as I used to.  But “there” is this, really.  Just being out here.  Alone.

Running toward ease and movement.  Toward accomplishment.  Because back there I try to accomplish so much and never seem to make it.

Running toward that feeling where my body is both fatigued and energized at the same time.  Like pills without the pills.  Bliss.

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10 Responses to Running

  1. pattypunker on February 7, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    i love love love this description: “not the kind of dark that swallows you up, but the kind that gives you a glimpse of what’s to come.” that’s a very cool time in the morning. and a time i try to avoid at all costs in the dead of fucking winter on the east coast.

    wishing you bliss tomorrow morning.


  2. subWOW on February 9, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    I hate running but I admire and actually envy people who get such a high from running. What you described is what I have suspected.


    thesweet Reply:

    Sometimes I feel selfish because I often put that first, even before my family. And then I remember how much they suffer when I don’t do it.


  3. Mandyland on February 9, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    See? Things like this make me thing that I might light running. And then I do crazy things like sign up for 10k’s and half marathons.

    And then I run. And don’t ever achieve that bliss.

    But I do achieve two black eyes from my um…anyway.


  4. Kris on February 10, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Oh, this is awesome.

    I am not a runner, but that time set aside just for you? That knowledge that if you take the time to do something just for yourself, you will feel better about the rest of your life? You will better be able to give of yourself to the people in your life?

    Running toward accomplishment.

    Oh, I get that.


    thesweet Reply:

    I remember a post, though. For a brief time, you were a runner, even if it was on the treadmill.


  5. Jules on February 12, 2011 at 8:11 am

    THAT’S why people run….


  6. Jen on February 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    I am a runner and I totally understand this post. I haven’t been running much of the winter because I’ve been on again off again sick. But, I know that feeling of moving through the dark and trying to keep yourself going. Keep it up. I’m hoping I get back out there soon.


  7. Leigh Ann (The Twin Spin) on February 16, 2011 at 9:17 am

    I love this. I don’t call myself a runner, but I do like to run. Okay, I don’t really like it, but I do it. I was training for an 8k race when I got pregnant with my twins. 3.5 years ago. Never got back into it. I like the escape, like you perfectly described, and the feeling of accomplishment. Plus, whenever I see people running or think about running, I think “It looks so easy! I can go run 3 miles!” Um, no. But I’m determined to get back into it. You have inspired me!


  8. MamaRobinJ on March 2, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Just browsing a bit… LOVE this. I know this feeling. I love your description of running as accomplishment when compared to everything else. Great perspective. I really, really like that.


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