Where Are My Soy Boobies?
I was just interrupted for the fourth time in less than five minutes spent at the dinner table. This time it was for milk.
I want SOY milk, Mommy.
Yes, I know.
Not cow’s milk.
Yes, I know. We don’t drink cow’s milk.
I don’t like cow’s milk, Mommy.
That’s okay. I don’t either, and I didn’t as a little girl, so we don’t drink it. But lots of other people like it, so they do.
Did you know soy milk comes from plants?
And cow’s milk comes from cow boobies!
Would you like to suck on a cow booby?
Me, neither. That’s why we don’t drink cow’s milk. Cow boobies are for baby cows.
When I was a kid, my best friend had the coolest house ever with a pinball machine, Atari, and lots of treats in the freezer. I loved to spend the night over there because we had so much fun. Except that they would MAKE me drink an entire glass of COWS MILK before I could have any dessert. I tried not to gag every time.
In college, I had an acquaintance who referred to cow’s milk as “cow pus.” I’ll never forget it.
I went almost ten years without a bowl of cereal. I got really tired of toast. So I tried Rice Dream, and it was good.
When I met Scott, he was down with the Rice Dream but occasionally expressed nostalgia for “milk.” Then I brought home some soy milk. It was damn good. Bye bye watery rice, hello soy creaminess. Now Scott’s been on it so long, he never talks about “milk” anymore. Once, I had some in the fridge because I had made a cake. He tried it in his cereal “to use it up” and said it made him feel sick. I also dig almond milk, but I can’t seem to get the boys to drink it. So soy it is.
Is my son going to get cancer and grow soy boobies?
Um, no. Asian cultures consume large amounts of soy on a daily basis and have lower rates of certain cancers AND man boobs. I’ve been ingesting soy every day for over a decade, and I’m still in my training bras. Plus, all of the “soy has estrogens in it” claims are misleading- soy contains a compound that is like a pre-estrogen that cannot even be metabolized. Which is why women are still complaining about their hot flashes.
Reading this article made me want go back to buying soy cheese. And soy-ogurt, soy-rizo, soy-ronis, soy-dogs… Or maybe not.