A Big Head and The Booby-Do
A friend of mine has coined a term (who the hell coined the term “coined”? Weird.) that refers to a tummy that sticks out further than the boobs that perch twelve inches above it. Or, in my case, six inches. Because yes, I am that short.
Her term? The Booby-Do.
Let me state that this friend has never had a child. She wanted to, and couldn’t, which is terrible, but that’s a story for another day. Point is, she’s never had her stomach stretched to oblivion by a baby with a head of a nine-pounder. He was 7 1/2 pounds, but according to ultrasound measurements and the number he did on my six inch torso he might as well have been nine pounds.
Damage was done, folks. I only had minor muscle separation, but almost a year after Hayden was born my stomach still looked pregnant. So I took action.
Three and a half years later, after many miles, abs videos, and planks, my stomach doesn’t look a whole lot better. The only time it somewhat resembles my childless tummy is when I first wake up in the morning.
Oh, and it’s also crooked, as in one side sticks out further than the other. GUESS WHICH SIDE.
The side where Hayden’s big head stayed for over four long breech months. Also, I might add, the side of my smaller boob.
I have a Booby-Do, dammit.
What’s a flat-chested girl to do?
And don’t say Spanx. Tried that shit and it didn’t work. And even if it did, I can’t wear a girdle to yoga class. Or with a swimsuit. Or when it’s ninety-three degrees outside like it was today.