A Big Head and The Booby-Do

May 5, 2011

A friend of mine has coined a term (who the hell coined the term “coined”? Weird.) that refers to a tummy that sticks out further than the boobs that perch twelve inches above it.  Or, in my case, six inches.  Because yes, I am that short.

Her term?  The Booby-Do.

Let me state that this friend has never had a child.  She wanted to, and couldn’t, which is terrible, but that’s a story for another day.  Point is, she’s never had her stomach stretched to oblivion by a baby with a head of a nine-pounder.  He was 7 1/2 pounds, but according to ultrasound measurements and the number he did on my six inch torso he might as well have been nine pounds.

Damage was done, folks.  I only had minor muscle separation, but almost a year after Hayden was born my stomach still looked pregnant. So I took action.

Three and a half years later, after many miles, abs videos, and planks, my stomach doesn’t look a whole lot better.  The only time it somewhat resembles my childless tummy is when I first wake up in the morning.

Oh, and it’s also crooked, as in one side sticks out further than the other.  GUESS WHICH SIDE.

The side where Hayden’s big head stayed for over four long breech months.  Also, I might add, the side of my smaller boob.

I have a Booby-Do, dammit.

What’s a flat-chested girl to do?

And don’t say Spanx. Tried that shit and it didn’t work.  And even if it did, I can’t wear a girdle to yoga class.  Or with a swimsuit.  Or when it’s ninety-three degrees outside like it was today.

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12 Responses to A Big Head and The Booby-Do

  1. Laura Timanus on May 5, 2011 at 6:13 am

    Ha! I have a Booby-do with out the kid. I think my stomach to boob area is shorter than yours. I have the shortest torso in America.

    [Reply]

  2. Elizabeth on May 5, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Me too. My boobs are an A cup, my belly is at least a C.

    [Reply]

  3. Elly Lou on May 5, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Awesome. *looks down at rapidly expanding stomach* Can’t frickin’ wait. This is why I don’t ride roller coasters, for the record.

    [Reply]

  4. Ginger on May 5, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    Oh yeah. That’s me. Even pre-kid. Stupid belly has always been bigger. And I’m a c cup, so…yeah.

    [Reply]

  5. pattypunker on May 5, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    baloney! i’ve seen pics of you and you’re body is bangin.

    [Reply]

    thesweet Reply:

    You ain’t seen me nekid. Baggy tops work wonders 🙂

    [Reply]

  6. pattypunker on May 5, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    your. i meant your.

    [Reply]

  7. Leigh Ann (The Twin Spin) on May 6, 2011 at 7:03 am

    Yeah. I wasn’t thin before having kids, but I was thinnER. And Spanx are a special occasion deal. I wore them for family pictures in the fall. It felt so good to slide back into my prekids pants, but man was it hard to sit down! And it was dang hot.

    [Reply]

    thesweet Reply:

    When I wore them, you could see the line of the spanx through my pants, like a big line across my thighs. Then I tried the boyshorts and panty versions, and they all just went up my ass. Oh ,and they didn’t hold anything in, either. Weird.

    [Reply]

  8. Freed From Flatulence | The Sweetest on May 12, 2011 at 4:45 am

    […] a pregnant woman the size of a whale?  Gas.  As a mom who is trim with the exception of her lipoma booby-do?  […]

  9. CJ on May 12, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    Booby-Do?! Oh, my. GOD. hysterical.

    Thankfully, while I have a stretched out, torn-to-shit, stretch-marked-road map (and I’m only 5’3) of a tummy, my boobs are still bigger…but it’s close.

    And I feel you on the lopsidedness.

    Damn almost 9 lb baby..born two weeks early, btw.

    I weigh 25 lbs LESS than I did BEFORE I got pregnant and I’m wearing clothes 2 sizes larger than my pre-pregnancy size.

    There is no justice in this world.

    PS? Now I want a PBJ…thanks.
    Ha!

    [Reply]

  10. Little Girls Need Girdles, Too | The Sweetest on July 18, 2011 at 5:06 am

    […] briefs.  Briefs that come up to my waist.  Because despite being small everywhere else, I have a growth just under my belly button that must be contained.  It’s making my boobies […]

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